Monday, November 15, 2010

My Relationship Thesis

Relationships are often a subject I avoid in seriousness in my blog entries, but I decided to write about this on a whim. I may edit this in the future. Haven't decided.


People tend to change when they are in a relationship. It's sad, really. For guys and girls.

Guys tend to become douche-bags because they feel like they want to show off their girlfriend to everyone, and in turn feel like they are superior over those who are single. Then there are even the worse guys who are ashamed of their girlfriend for whatever reason. If you like someone, why be ashamed of them? That, I will never understand.

Women tend to act completely different around those who they do like and seem like they have to change who they are to impress the guy they like. I do not like this observation, either. People should be themselves, they shouldn't have to change to impress someone.

Guy or girl, one shouldn't have to try to impress another person. Be yourself, if someone doesn't like you for who you are, then who are you to keep them in their misery?

Then this is probably the part where a lot of people get angry, but I find it shameful that we don't know what the hell our partners could be having with them be it diseases, herpes, STDs, and what not. What happened to the old days of just holding hands and getting to know one another?

It seems that with the advent of contraceptives, people just use any excuse to go buck wild all over one another without any recourse. Sex in general has lost its meaning. I mean to the point where "sex on a first date" isn't an absurd question. Now, I'm not promoting abstinence. In fact, I find abstinence to be illogical and unrealistic given the way our society has advanced and matured. But still, does that give an excuse for people just to forget the value of a relationship and hop on the first woman/man one sees? Is this really what our time has come to?

I've lost faith in relationships in general. I find them to be shallow and unrewarding, and it's most certainly lost it's meaning in this day and age. Most importantly, I like being who I am. I will not change my personal beliefs or interests for anyone, and if that means I'm standing alone with my beliefs, well then I'm standing alone happy!

Permanence and Change:

I believe that we use relationships to attempt to establish a sense of permanence/stability despite inevitable change. Life in itself is a journey of transformation, but people want to hold on to something constant. Something one can hold to for a sense of comfort that never changes among the long time period.

To some people, a relationship will last an unspecified amount of time, and while the constant (the relationship) remains the same, the two people involved eventually grow apart from the change and realize they want different things out of life. The relationship constant is broken, and the two people involved go on to lead their own lives separately.

From my observations, the best relationships arise from those where two people who change use the relationship as a constant and continually respect each other as they change and grow. For the better or worse. There are indeed some exceptions depending on culture, but those who respect one another as they grow in age and know each others limitations and values and are willing to accept how they grow and change, those are the relationships that last the longest, or perhaps until death.

Is love a taught behavior or a human instinct?

What causes humans to have affection towards one another? Are we taught to love and nurture someone else from birth growing up from observation? Are we taught by our parents, or even perhaps the media that there is someone for everyone?

It's everywhere, from movies like Beauty and the Beast, to Shrek, and to many other countless re-hashes that love conquers all. But romantic love seems to be an affection or emotion exhibited by only human beings.

A dog or a lion or any miscellaneous animal doesn't take love into account when choosing a mate to procreate with, what makes us so different?

Some animals use mating noises or calls to attract someone of the opposite sex, some animals use scents. So for us, is mental compatibility a principle in mate selection? Assuming love is an inborn instinct/emotion that we're born with, that would be a definite yes.

If this is the case, is Darwin's theory of Natural Selection inherently true? The best looking/best to get with people will survive throughout the generations, whereas the people who are unable to find a significant other eventually get weeded out of the human gene pool.

But what if love is instead a taught behavior? Hypothetically speaking, what if one was not pre-exposed to any of the love movies/stories or grew up with parents that gave them nothing but food, water, standard arithmetic and a grasp with language, and survival needs. Would this person be able to have a mental understanding of love or compassion in the first place without having knowledge of what it even is?

Well then, what type of women interest me?

Someone who respects who I am, and someone who knows what they want and aren't indecisive. I really don't like to have to "fight" for someone who plays "hard to get", and I'm not interested in anyone who plays that.

Someone who is willing to help me out and wouldn't mind actually going against me sometimes in a discussion. I wouldn't want someone who agrees with me 100% of the time, then it seems that the person is agreeing for the hell of it, and then it feels one-sided.

Someone who does not mind my awkward-ness. The person needs to be able to put up with my shy, reclusive behavior.

Someone who does not give one-word responses. "Cool", "Nice", and what not as a response to me talking to you means that I'll think you're not interested. If I think you're not interested, I'll stop talking in order to not waste your time and not waste my time. I don't like coming off as being annoying, so I try my best to give people space.

Someone who isn't afraid to initiate a conversation. I do not like to start conversations with people, period. Again, I don't like coming off as annoying to people, and I just usually keep to myself and reply when messaged. If you send me messages sometimes to initiate a conversation, I'll be more inclined to drop a random message here and there in the future.

Someone who isn't afraid to actually ask someone out. I normally do not ask people out. I also will not budge on this policy. I don't ask women out because everyone who I have asked out and said "Yes" has cheated on me. If someone goes through the trouble to ask me out, then I would know that they have some genuine feelings for me rather than fake ones that are thrown away when they are unfaithful. Just my two cents.
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