Monday, December 26, 2011

Three Years.

[Comments have been disabled for this post.]

December 26th is a date of which I hold with some sense of freedom, yet maintain some feeling of unwanted regret.

I don't blog about this type of issue all too often, because I like to be happy and optimistic in my posting style. And this may turn out to be happy/optimistic. Not sure...

Anyway, three years ago today was when I decided I wasn't going to be walked all over any longer and changed my philosophy of life, so to say. I changed my life goals to become a video game director rather than just a designer, stopped being overly nice and giving to others and having nothing in return, and parting ways with the girl I was in love with.

While my life has generally been much better and upbeat since that day, I can't help but wonder "what if..." scenarios that played off with the last one. My life would be totally different had I not made that decision, most likely. While I did greatly regret it in the few months immediately following that day (it actually sent me into quite a long depression period, my friends still joke about that to this day), about half a year later I accepted it and continued moving on with my life.

I have strived for the best in the years since, I've gotten more motivated to finish my degree and be able to support myself rather than having someone to "live" for, so to say. I've put a lot of my personal effort that I used on someone who didn't have feelings for me back to go into finishing games and projects I've put on hold and I've started many more projects in its place. This blog, for example, is one of those. Selatria is another.

I feel like I have to thank this person for helping me get on my feet, get me motivated, and make me want to write and do things with my life. No other person/friend has helped me in that way. And while I no longer contact her and have no plans to resume contact (nor do I want to). I feel like I owe her a whole lot.

Anyway, that's it. I felt like this post would be much longer than it actually was. I have a habit of writing a lot of paragraphs on something I am truly passionate about, which is why I have the blog.

Would I do it all over again? Probably not. Having felt that feeling once before, it's not something I would try again. I don't see how some people just hop from one to another, yet still claim they have the same emotions for the next person. But I do have a deep respect for those who actually stick with their loved ones for better or worse and do not abandon them in times of need. Those are people meant to be with each other.